Organize the above picture, and that’s what my pill planner looks like. I feel as though my kidneys and liver might give out due to polypharmacy at the ‘tender’age of 50. Really.
In the midst of searching for a possible procedure to help with my trigeminal neuralgia pain (One doc says “Go to Pittsburgh! That’s where the specialists are!” Another, “Well you can’t have that procedure, you had radiation 8 years ago, it won’t work.” (Things we didn’t know about 9 years ago, but what are ya gonna do?!?!?) My first surgeon has been such an asshole about it, I realized, I don’t think he wants to claim that these terrible side effects were the result of “His” surgery!! Egos aside and put your big boy pants on, please! Sheesh! At any rate, it’s all stressing me out to no end. Add a job that’s not the most helpful, short-term disability that’s up in the air, a timeframe that is unknown, lack of support due to a rare condition….argh! Once again, it is amazing I have not taken a drink in 3.5 years.
However, one thing I have learned about blogging, and I’m only a few weeks in, is it brings some of you out of the woodwork for me! And I thank you for that! People who have chronic pain, addiction, mental illness, people who can laugh at parts of their conditions, at times people who can give me that support, a laugh, and best of all, resources. Blogging is kind of like a big AA meeting – there are so many people out there, some bedridden, who are able to put a little bit of hope in others’ days. It’s nice, so thanks!
So back to these pills. My psychiatrist recently found a combination THAT WORKS (touch wood, it’s been 3 days)! Eureka! This will tide me over until I know what I’m doing, and I’m quite content with that. BUT. The initial side effects. Neurontin combined with Tegretol. I work with seriously mentally ill clients, and THEY were asking what was wrong yesterday. (My favorite: “Uh, Lori, I had to switch my antidepressant from morning to night, and uh..it made me feel weird, and I’m just wondering if you’re going through something like that with a medicine of something?” So intuitive!”) I’m feeling drugged, slurred, slowed down, my cognition isn’t quite there, and my vision is blurry unless I wear reading glasses. I’m really hoping I get used to these, this morning is better, but man. It’s not fun at all. Brian (the boyfriend) said I fell asleep biting halfway into a Samoa Girl Scout Cookie Wednesday, and those are gold, so…….
I hope if I ever get any other serious ailment it’s just not RARE. Give me something run of the mill. As terrible as it is to say…give me a melanoma on my skin….or….dementia once they work that cure out they just did in New Zealand (read your Newsweek).
In the meantime, I guess God realized I missed cocktails being sober, so I’ll continue to take my cocktails of pills. I am jumping for joy the latest concoction WORKS and just hope it continues….