I haven’t blogged in a long, long time, forgetting as I joyfully type what a good outlet it is for me. Particularly blogging anonymously – just “putting it all out there to you, online universe whom I do not know.”
So, since my last post, Donald Trump is president. That’s fun. I lost a job and got engaged on the same day. I was on unemployment for awhile. That was new. I passed my LCSW! (Police should escort those who pass this exam home, as I was so happy I have no recollection of driving home after passing by a mere 7 points). I gained a better job. Then I somehow, with my fiance, planned and executed a wedding with a backyard reception, and did a great job, to our honest surprise! I ate lettuce for a month to fit into my dress, then gorged on as much buttercream frosting I could get my hands on (and we had the.best.cupcakes.ever.) 🙂
Amazing feats for a woman who, 5 years ago, at 9:30 a.m. was simultaneously telling myself I’d never drink again and planning my next drink. It’s all pretty amazing.
Then came the pain. My first week of marriage was riddled with my being face down with trigeminal neuralgia pain, it took over the complete left side of my head. WHY God WHYYY???? I’m not on many meds, and the weather did change a lot that week, but I’m tired of being a fucking barometer! Really. So that whole “for better, for worse” got a kick start on that “for worse” part.
Back to that “for better, for worse.” My husband is a wonderful caretaker. He’s such a sweet person, really. Not a bad bone in his body. But I’ve been in this social work business long enough to know that the divorce rates for caretakers/sick folks is high. And I hate that. I also hate that I can’t always give my “for better” self. I hate trying a med and being elated it works….for 2 weeks. I never thought I’d let someone operate on my brain again, but I’m game now! If anyone can figure this out, alleviate my pain, etc. I’d be really happy! My ‘dream honeymoon in the Azores’ in September may turn into a mini-honeymoon in Michigan, as there is a doctor there who thinks he can help. But I’ve also been in the neurosurgeon world long enough to have doubts. Hope has been hard. Worrying about divorce rates has been hard. I know, I know, one day at a time.
My husband says “sweetie, if we go to Michigan and get your pain straight, it would be the best honeymoon ever.” He’s a keeper. I just hope, if I have a world of pain for the rest of my life, that he keeps me…
So, play on, Mr. Trump. Build a wall. It’s not like we all need to focus on advances in medicine and better insurance or anything…..